I wiggle as I walk through life.

I might be ADD, or bipolar, or some other undiagnosed disorder. I say disorder because I find it hard to keep my life in order, like other people I see.

I have lots of stuff organized into disorganized piles around the room. If there is a project I want to do, I can get it done if I work on it for less than 3 days, because after 3 days my initial creativity has changed shape, and is unwilling to

follow through. If I organize/structure my initial project to accommodate a longer time investment, I still may fall "out of love" with the idea and want to scrap it and start over...or quit.How can I succeed for myself? Just set attainable goals, or else change how I view success. (my Grandpa Benson--'You've gotta invent something, and keep your body strong as well as your mind'; Lee Ayars- 'become a famous potter/ceramicist') I see success as an intermittent reward for creative productivity, which is why I'm always making stuff and showing it to people...or the instantaneous gratification of their response. But lately I've seen my success-seeking taking on a more difficult edge: Long-term success that can pay the bills and "achieve" something lasting or monumental.

I wiggle as I walk through life, kind of making this path which has lots of (emotional and destinational) backtracking and doesn't get much beyond my self.

This path, I think, would have been more deliberate and I would

have gone further with less confusion.

One side note here.

My goal hasn't always been personal success in the capacity it has taken as of late. It has often been to strengthen others to their goals and my path has, in combination with other paths, looked something like this for which I am proud.

Q: How do you assess if a goal is worthwhile? Beyond $in < $out. I ask this towards sustainability, to a purpose over time. It could even help others get to the promised land you see but will probably not enter. Hmm. I sense a long term commitment coming on...

Glitter

I
do
not
have
space
actually
Idonothave
aspacebarand
spIhavetohitenter
toseparateoutthoughts

Goal in Art

We take in the world and store it symbolically
in our heads. Creating art allows other people
to see the world we see, or how we see it.
It's a very exposing process.
Unfortunately, once the artwork is created
the interpretation is entirely up to the receiver.

My current thought is that the goal in making art is
to create "archetypal" images that register
as pure tones in the symbolic visual brain
and that deliver meaning more directly,
allowing the sender and the receiver
to resonate more strongly.

Need to find a message worth sending.

Anchor Poem

My leaping stone
I cling to you for strength and self assurance
Tether myself around the waist, the other end around you
like some umbilicus
Gather confidence and leap off into the deep wet unknown
Struggling bravely through whatever learning experience I'm in
And pull myself back onto you to recharge.

Is it bravery, stupid stubbornness, or some innate desire driving me
to loosen my tether and drift away
through uncertain abyss--to strike out on my own--?
Beyond that which I knew are familiar seeming shadows
Recognizable but not actually comforting
Ghostly forms and reedy delights, but really I miss having
Stable earth and stone and grass under my feet.

Vibing

How do cells communicate
within YOUR body?
How do they know
(maintain a movement about)
homeostasis?
Do they resonate?

If this is electromagnetic
(resonance) or some other
isn't it possible
(likely) that I
in the room with you
vibrate from THAT
interstitial
resonance too?

Really Creepy

A heaping plate of sloppery noodles
(surrounded on sides by channels
of buttery good redness,
relaxes under its overburden
of saucy spiced pork meatballs)
Whispers your name
and gently massages your olfactory nerves.
Eat me...
Eat me...
Eat me...

Okay...poetry

BENEATH THIS BOX

Caught a ferret
to be my pet
and live in MY room
and I'll have to keep her
in a cage and keep my
door shut so she can't
escape and get out and
get back to the wild
to her home and family
and friends and maybe children
baby ferrets who need
her to take care of 'em
and...oh look. Sigh.
She got out.