Monday, August 10, 2009

I wiggle as I walk through life.

I might be ADD, or bipolar, or some other undiagnosed disorder. I say disorder because I find it hard to keep my life in order, like other people I see.

I have lots of stuff organized into disorganized piles around the room. If there is a project I want to do, I can get it done if I work on it for less than 3 days, because after 3 days my initial creativity has changed shape, and is unwilling to
follow through. If I organize/structure my initial project to accommodate a longer time investment, I still may fall "out of love" with the idea and want to scrap it and start over...or quit.How can I succeed for myself? Just set attainable goals, or else change how I view success. (my Grandpa Benson--'You've gotta invent something, and keep your body strong as well as your mind'; Lee Ayars- 'become a famous potter/ceramicist') I see success as an intermittent reward for creative productivity, which is why I'm always making stuff and showing it to people...or the instantaneous gratification of their response. But lately I've seen my success-seeking taking on a more difficult edge: Long-term success that can pay the bills and "achieve" something lasting or monumental.
I wiggle as I walk through life, kind of making this path which has lots of (emotional and destinational) backtracking and doesn't get much beyond my self.

This path, I think, would have been more deliberate and I would
have gone further with less confusion.

One side note here.
My goal hasn't always been personal success in the capacity it has taken as of late. It has often been to strengthen others to their goals and my path has, in combination with other paths, looked something like this for which I am proud.

Q: How do you assess if a goal is worthwhile? Beyond $in < $out. I ask this towards sustainability, to a purpose over time. It could even help others get to the promised land you see but will probably not enter. Hmm. I sense a long term commitment coming on...


Herbal Amanda said...

You certainly wiggled your way into and around my path. Happy Birthday love :)

wv: winspocu

Sean said...

ahh it must be autumn... the sap is flowing readily. :>)